2.07.2003

i'm home alone.

we went out to dinner and then the group of people that i was with went over to one of the guy's houses and i just didn't have it in me. all i want to do these days is be in my pajamas when i'm home.

i think that if i could, i'd go to the gym, work all day and then come home and get in bed. i almost don't even want to eat dinner anymore, except maybe some cereal or toast.

i'm getting ready to start restricting my food intake - i can feel it coming. and that's okay, really - i think i might be able to do it right this time.

i'm tired i guess, and sort of lonely or something. i'm not happy in my job at all and i know i need to start considering what i want to do when i grow up. i found out about an opportunity tonight that might be really cool - but then again i also have lots of other options. i need to be very careful - not to keep moving around from one job to another for the rest of my life.

i also have to try not to depend on a. - to assume that we'll be together and that everything will be ok - we'll be happy, have enough money, i won't have to work, and so on. becuase the reality i that i probably WILL have to work. even if we have kids - ESPECIALLY if we have kids.

i don't know - it all get's sort of overwhelming if i give it too much room - so i push it back one more day and get in my pajamas and go to sleep.

it seems the best thing to do, somehow.

2.03.2003

say it five times fast - i'll bet you 10 bucks you can't do it.

peggy babcock

so the other night i was in the "office" surfing and a. was watching the tube.

this is the conversation that followed:

a: man!

me: huh?

a: you know what?

me: what?

a: i have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that that bitch has silver dollar pancake nipples.

me: WHAT?

a: i said - i have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that that bitch has silver dollar pancake nipples.

me: who?

a: you know, that bitch from 90210.

me: brenda?

a: no - the one with the big tits.

me: donna?

a: no - the other one.

me: WHICH other one?

a: you know - the slutty one who was on saved by the bell.

at the same time: TIFFANY AMBER THEISSEN!

a: yeah. she's GOT to have huge nipples. i can just tell.

me: ok, whatever.

god i love him.
i shot a gun for the first time this past weekend.
i also rode a 4-wheeler for the first time.

and i lost my virginity too!
(just kidding)