it's been a while.

i find myself reluctant to write it all down - not because it's complicated, but because i am lazy.
i am going to try to update my fitness blog more often - that seems to be my major focus these days.

but hopfully soon i'll have something more interesting to say here.

for now, i need to pee.

so i am going to do it.
starting on sunday i am offically doing the body-for-life 12 week challenge.
stay tuned to my fitness bog for more information.

you know you want to.

my boss has been out of town the whole week.
i have a brand new eMac and a high speed internet connection.
i have done nothing all week but send e-mail, surf the web, and binge on sugar products.

what a life.

next week will be an entirely different story.
that i can promise for sure.

i'm not so sure i think this war is a bad idea.

Yeah, I am pro-war at this point. Even though I fear that it might not solve the greater problems that exist (hatred, anger, hunger for power and just plain ‘evil’) – and that our world as we know it is existing on borrowed time. The fears I have about whether “we” will be around in 50 years get stronger every day.

Mostly though, I feel pretty powerless in the face of the giant machines of politics and war. So I do what I can with my own small life, and hope that those I love are happy and safe. Maybe that's not the most noble route - but it is the one I am able to handle.

You know? There are so many awful things that are happening all over the world, including our own backyards, that to concieve of them makes me frozen with terror, consumed with fear, and just plain old prone to burst into tears.

As far as how I feel about George Bush and those around him – I hear conflicting arguments by people with raised voices and heightened senses of righteousness all around me – to me they are just so many voices – in my opinion he is doing the best job he can – a job that I would surely NEVER covet - and one that most of the folks yelling would be miserable failures at.

So.

That’s my 2 cents.

Please read the following excerpt from a speech by Tony Blair.
And here are some other interesting links:

From The Spectator

From the The Washington Post

And another, while oddly humorous, strangely convincing argument. (click the link at the bottom of the page to hear the audio file.)

Phone Call from Mohammed

Excerpt from Tony Blair's Speech - Sunday, Feb. 16, 2003 :

"....There will be no march for the victims of Saddam, no protests about the thousands of children that die needlessly every year under his rule, no righteous anger over the torture chambers which if he is left in power, will be left in being.

I rejoice that we live in a country where peaceful protest is a natural part of our democratic process. But I ask the marchers to understand this: I do not seek unpopularity as a badge of honour. But sometimes it is the price of leadership. And the cost of conviction.

But as you watch your TV pictures of the march, ponder this:

If there are 500,000 on that march, that is still less than the number of people whose deaths Saddam has been responsible for. If there are one million, that is still less than the number of people who died in the wars he started. . .

. . .So if the result of peace is Saddam staying in power, not disarmed, then I tell you there are consequences paid in blood for that decision too. But these victims will never be seen. They will never feature on our TV screens or inspire millions to take to the streets. But they will exist nonetheless.

Ridding the world of Saddam would be an act of humanity. It is leaving him there that is in truth inhumane. . ."

I just can't figure out what else we can do.
Even if Bush is an idiot - which I'm not so sure he really is.
Even if civilians will be killed.

I just don't know.

i have been revisting the whole 'body for life' thing again.

BODY FOR LIFE

seriously - has anyone SEEN those pictures of the transformations these people make in, like, only 12 weeks? and they are not fake - i know they are not because i have known people personally who have done it and it really does work.

i did try it a year and a half ago, but only ended up getting bulky - which, if i am honest with myself - was probably because i was eating too much. but the more i re-read about it, the more it seems like a good idea to try it again - this time with a little less food.

i am frustrated at the lack of progress that i am seeing at the gym and with the series of injuries and ailments that have sidelined my running career for the time being. it would be nice to have a PLAN to stick to - something that i can obsess about and focus on. some reason to turn down the nutty bars and giant chocolate chip cookies that seem to lurk on every desk in my office, calling to me as i walk by.

and the thing is: it actually makes sense: you eat a balanced diet made up of many smaller meals a day, you work out six days a week and work out HARD, and once every seven days you have the option of eating whatever the hell you want. f

or a whole day. and i mean whatever the HELL you want. the program almost urges you to gorge yourself. how cool is that? 6 days of busting ass with a day where you can commit a bunch of seven of the deadly sins - and it is OKAY! woo-hoo!

and now that my life is much less centralized around drinking and going out to dinner - and i belong to a gym that i am already in the habit of going to. and because i cook and eat most of my meals at home anyway, is would probably not be that hard to maintain it.

and if i lost a bunch of fat and gained a bunch of muscle in the process - that would be cool too. what with summer coming up and all.

hm. we'll see.

(now if only i can convince my boyfriend to do it too.....................)

my sister is a poet.

Why my mother killed the mice

I pushed him away
insisting, I’ll hurt you.
Across the dingy plastic-top table of the booth in Napoli’s Pizza,
my cold stare
only cooled his cheese-steak.
His hope stood hot,
threatening to tunnel its warmth
underneath my skin.

We stood in silent falling city snow,
Cheek to cheek
Something pleasant for the picture frame.
He held me tighter
And I felt flight flutter in my chest.
A sudden need to run.

I understand now
why my mother ran over
the barely living mice we’d caught
in traps, with our blue minivan.
At ten, I protested, crying
As my mother explained:

They look like mostly undamaged mice,
But they’re dying inside.

I wanted to hurt him quickly
Instead of watching his heart bleed
Slowly, caught in a trap I had laid
And knew he would run into,
Starving.

wow.

every now and then i read something that just works.
that's so right and true and honest.
this is one of those things:

this is how it happens